Working Mommy

Monday, January 3rd was my first day back to work since September 30th. I was dreading the day so much, mostly because I could not imagine being separated from London. He has been attached to me every second for almost a year and the thought of the separation was killing me! I cried Saturday night and really lost it Sunday night. I just wanted to get it over with. I woke up at 5am Monday and nursed London. He was smiling at me and it broke my heart that he didn't realize mommy was going to have to leave him today. I reluctantly put him back to bed and started to get ready. I was doing ok. I went into his room to say goodbye. As I leaned over his crib to kiss him he opened his eyes slightly and looked up at me. I instantly started sobbing. Kary, still sleeping, asked me if I was ok and I answered, "no" as I walked down the stairs sniffling. I had to pack my pump, make sure bottles were ready, etc so it took me like 15 mins to just get out the door. I cried in the car but for the sake of my mascara I composed myself.
When I got to work I was bitter. I just wanted to get home and cuddle my baby! The kids were very happy to see me so that cheered me up a little. Then suddenly I was being observed and all kinds of crazy busy stuff was going on. I managed to have a pretty good day. After school I literally ran to my car and it seemed like everyone was driving soooo slow! All I could think was, "GET HOME TO LONDON!!!!!" It was like a crazy need my baby anxiety attack.
London did awesome with grandma. He laughed, read books, watched sesame street and drank lots of bottles :-) No major crying fits! I was so happy to see him but by the time I got home he was cranky and ready for a nap. We napped together and for most of the night he was a grump. This made me super sad because I missed his best time of day :-( Kary worked late that night and I waited up. When he came home I buried my head into his shoulder and sobbed about how I can't do this! He told me it would be ok.
The next day was MUCH better. Grandma made sure he got a good nap and I was greeted with tons of smiles and laughs. He was even grabbing his feet and squealing. so adorable!
He continued to do great with grandma and Thursday and Friday were daddy days. Kary did great despite the giant poop explosion where both boys were covered in poo and Kary even still had it on his clothes when I came home. Then on Friday Kary packed a great diaper bag and left it at home when he went to Statesville to get his car fixed and he had to go to the grocery store to get diapers, formula and a bottle. I told Kary he'd get the hang of it quickly. They had lots of fun playing and he sent me pictures and a video at work. Made me so happy :-)
Next week London will start going to a babysitter on Tuesdays for a few hours. I am hoping he does just as great for her.
I am doing so much better and every day this week was easier. I almost starting feeling guilty because I wasn't having as hard of a time. I think I am just realizing that I am super lucky to have him watched at home and 5 hours with him each night and weekends and summers. I am the last person he sees when he goes to bed and the first person he sees when he wakes up (5am) and I get to keep him forever! :-)